Metabasis of Ashen Embers · Chapter 10
An Ending Without Salvation
Cristelle
Captain.
I'm the kind of person who could shoot you without the slightest hesitation.
I doubt I'd even feel a single pang of guilt.
My revenge against Morcerf, or the life of someone I only met recently...
If I had to weigh the two, I would choose revenge without a second thought.
So... step aside. I'll shoot if I have to, but I'd rather not.
I'm not the one you should be weighing against your revenge.
Haydee is.
Cristelle
...
Captain. Even then, nothing changes.
Such sentimental appeals won't reach me.
I'd just shoot you, then shoot Haydee as well, and choose the path that ultimately leads me to Morcerf.
And even after all that, not a single tear would form in my eyes.
I see. So that's how it is.
Cristelle
And yet you still refuse to move, Captain?
Of course.
Cristelle
...I simply can't understand you.
Why... would you make this choice?
There's nothing for you to gain from any of this.
A mere week ago, you didn't even know we existed.
I still can't understand why you would risk your own life just to save Haydee.
You're wrong.
Cristelle
Hmm?
Haydee isn't the only one I'm trying to save.
I'm trying to save you too.
Cristelle
...What are you talking about?
I'm the one pointing a gun at you... Your life's the one in danger, not mine.
And yet you claim you're standing in front of the barrel to save me?
If you shoot Haydee here...
Your revenge will never truly be complete.
Cristelle
...Nonsense.
The entire point of my revenge is to find Morcerf and kill her.
And Haydee's body contains the Void Force that Morcerf left behind.
If anything, killing Haydee is precisely what will complete my revenge—
And then what?
Cristelle
Then...?
Let's say you kill Haydee and find the trail.
You find Morcerf and kill her. What comes after that?
Cristelle
I wondered what you were getting at, but this is nothing more than sophistry.
After that? Why should there need to be anything after that?
If everything happens as you say, then my revenge will already have succeeded.
Once it's all over... there will be nothing left.
No. You'll still be there.
You, left with nothing in your hands.
Cristelle
And what's wrong with only me being left?
How is that... any different from how things have always been?
The only thing I have left is revenge.
Cristelle... You're arrogant.
Cristelle
Arrogant...? How dare you say such a thing to me!
You're presumptuous, conceited...
And you think far too highly of yourself.
Cristelle
...Fufu. Captain, if you're trying to shake me with insults, stop wasting your breath.
Do you really think that will make me change my mind?
Do you really think you made it this far alone?
Cristelle
...
Cristelle
...You have a point. I wouldn't have made it this far without Haydee's help.
But if necessary, I will gladly live with the sin of abandoning her.
I, Cristelle, would not care even if my soul fell into hell for the sake of my blood-soaked revenge.
...*Sigh* I truly can't understand you.
Can you... not see the barrel pointed at you?
Even if every question you've asked is entirely justified...
I still can't understand why you'd risk your life to stop me.
Why not simply look the other way?
So now it's my turn to ask.
Just what... are you doing all this for?
I...
I couldn't answer her question right away.
She was right. Why was I standing in her way?
Truthfully, my connection to the two of them was shallow enough to call us little more than passing acquaintances.
So why was I taking such a risk for them?
Cristelle
Pwahaha!
After all that talk, you can't even muster up an answer for yourself, Captain?
If you're standing in the way of my revenge out of such a shallow sense of pity...
A thick anger seeped into Cristelle's voice.
Cristelle
If that's all this is...
Then I'll shatter that pathetic hypocrisy of yours with my own hands.
The heavy air around Cristelle began to churn violently.
Through the strands of hair whipping in the wind, her red eye fixed itself on me.
My vision wavered for an instant, and everything around me began to turn red.
My chest tightened, as if someone had seized my heart with an iron grip.
Kgh...!
Cristelle
The arrogant one isn't me, Captain. It's you.
...You say you'll save both Haydee and me?
Enough of your childish fantasies!
You want to save everyone? Truly?
You even want to save me after I've completed my revenge?
Don't make me laugh.
You know nothing about suffering. You don't know what true hell is like.
Ufufu... Of course you wouldn't.
Have you ever had a nightmare that wouldn't end even after you opened your eyes?
Have you ever lived through days when even closing your eyes could bring you no peaceful silence?
This eye...
It shows me hell without end.
A hell where I can only watch helplessly as ruin unfolds clearly before my eyes.
A place where everything destroyed by a single mistake collapses before me, and I can't even offer repentance.
Every single night. No, even at this very moment!
The screams blaming me and the wet sound of blood splashing around my feet never leave me!
Cristelle
You'll... never know.
What it feels like to lose everything precious to you again and again, every moment of your life.
What it feels like to kneel in that hell before her nauseating sneer.
The humiliation of groveling at her feet, offering to do anything to make it stop...
Even knowing it's useless. Even knowing that when I lie down the next night, that vile vision will only repeat itself.
I can never escape that endlessly repeating purgatory.
There is only one way to break that cycle...
Morcerf's death.
I couldn't refute her.
I couldn't know her pain.
I couldn't know what she'd been through or what had driven her to swear revenge.
I could understand her words with my head, but couldn't fathom the emotions within them. I couldn't reach those feelings.
Even so...
I still think this is wrong.
An ending where she has no choice but to kill a precious companion with her own hands for the sake of revenge.
An ending that corners her until it's the only path left.
I couldn't see it as anything but wrong.
Cristelle
You really are... selfish.
I have no intention of indulging your pathetic hero act any longer.
Haydee has to die here.
She will become the signpost that leads me to Morcerf.
If you still insist on forcing your way... then try stopping me by force.
Cristelle's bullet flew straight for the hand gripping my sword.
With a deafening blast that hardly sounded like a gunshot, the Star Piercer was knocked into the air.
The tremendous impact sent a numbing shock from my right hand all the way up to my shoulder.
Cristelle
Checkmate, Captain.
Still feel like to clinging to that meaningless childish fantasy?!
Haydee is your companion.
Your friend. Your family.
Cristelle
Pfft... Fufu... Companion? Friend? Family?
Weren't you listening? It was all an act.
To deceive your enemy, you must first deceive your allies.
If even you saw it that way, then I suppose my deception was quite successful.
She was lying.
I'd only spent a short time with the two of them, but even so, I knew that much for certain.
And...
You know it too.
You cared about Haydee more than anyone.
Cristelle
...Please, just shut up!
All those warm words you keep throwing at me as if you understand everything...
I can't stand them!
What... do you know?
That pity you offer from your lofty perch as though you're somehow above it all...
I'm sick of hearing it!
People... can never understand another other people completely.
...Shallow pity offered without understanding...
That's nothing more than another form of violence.
...
Cristelle
This revenge... is the ending we have always wanted.
So... it has to...
Yes. Haydee herself must want this ending too.
Right, Haydee? Say it... NOW!
Tell me I'm not wrong! Tell me this is what you want too!
How do you know that?
Cristelle
What...?
You're not Haydee. You can't understand her completely either.
Don't you think that's contradictory?
Cristelle
...!
Kgh...! Hnngh...!
Haydee
...You.
You overdid it. If you keep abusing the power of that eye, it'll consume you eventually.
Cristelle
Hrrgh...!!!
Haydee
You're having another nightmare.
Haydee staggered over to Cristelle, who had collapsed while clutching her eye, and placed a hand on her shoulder.
Then she took Cristelle's limp hand and guided the barrel toward her own heart.
Haydee
You're right.
Revenge was our greatest wish.
I've... lost sight of what it means now.
But if you still want it. If that's what you choose...
Kill me and complete your revenge. That's fine with me.
Cristelle
Kgh... Haydee...
After deceiving everyone else...
Are you going to deceive yourself in the end too?
Cristelle
What kind of relationship, hmm... How should I put it...?
I suppose it would be most accurate to call myself Haydee's guardian.
In other words, I'm something of a mother to her.
Cristelle
A life spent pursuing nothing but revenge while neglecting yourself is a lonely one.
And a life lived after losing yourself is lonelier still.
Do you truly have no desire to glimpse your past?
Cristelle
...No, this won't do. Get on my back.
Haydee
Wha—n-no. I'm fine. I can walk on my own...!
Cristelle
Stop arguing and get on. You're in no shape to walk.
Cristelle's hand fell limply to her side.
The pistol slipped from her grasp and clattered to the ground.
Cristelle
...
...Then, if even one of those feelings was real...
Cristelle
...What was I supposed to have done...?
But... Morcerf... Haydee...
I... can't choose either...
Humans are contradictory by nature.
And selfish too.
That contradiction and selfishness lead people to make mistakes. Everyone does.
But...
I don't want to stand by and watch an irreversible mistake happen.
An ending where no one is saved, where everything falls apart...
I refuse to accept it.
Cristelle
If I let this chance slip away... How...
How much longer will I have to wait before I can catch Morcerf again...?
I slowly took Cristelle's trembling hand in mine.
...My promise still stands.
I said I'd help you.
Cristelle
...
...Heh... Fufu... Fufufu...
Hahahahaha!
I see... So that's how it was... Ahh... Perhaps I was the one forcing things all along.
...Captain.
You're not merely childish. You're selfish...
...Immature, foolish, and impossibly stubborn.
But perhaps that's your strength. Somehow... it makes me want to believe in you.
...I'm glad you changed your mind.
Cristelle
Phew... Thanks to you, the anger that had overheated my mind has finally cooled.
Only now am I beginning to see what I couldn't before.
...An ending without salvation.
Yes... that's exactly what it would be.
Why... couldn't I see something so simple until you said it?
Cristelle suddenly raised her gun. Before I could even react—
NO!!!
A single gunshot rang out, filling the space with its echo.
Why... did she pull the trigger?
I thought I was getting through to her.
I thought Cristelle didn't truly want to kill Haydee...!
WHY...?!
Cristelle
Because I remembered who the real enemy is, Captain.
I told you, Haydee isn't the enemy.
Haydee
It wasn't me.
Haydee...? Are you okay?
Haydee
She didn't shoot me.
Look. The bullet didn't hit me or even graze me.
...So back up a little. I told you I'm fine. Stop clinging to me.
H-how closely are you planning to look?! You pervert!
N-no, that's not what I was trying to do—
I was just checking if you were hurt...
Haydee
...Cristelle.
This choice is a little unexpected.
I thought...
I thought you'd shoot me without hesitation.
Cristelle
Haydee. I myself am rather surprised that I made this decision.
But the Captain's impassioned speech made me realize one thing as well.
Haydee
You realized... something?
Cristelle
Indeed. I nearly chose an utterly foolish path.
Haydee.
Why did I, Cristelle, swear blood-soaked revenge against Morcerf?
Because she took everything from me.
She destroyed, plundered, and violated things I could never recover!
And so I vowed to return that endless despair to her.
But if that revenge meant losing something precious I'd finally gained again...
Wouldn't that contradict the very reason I chose revenge in the first place?
Haydee. You belong wholly to me.
Haydee
...
Cristelle
My employee, my partner in vengeance, and the one under my protection.
...My companion.
Fool that I am, I've only just realized it.
You were precisely what Morcerf intended to take from me once again.
All for the sake of leading me to an ending without salvation.
We know someone who delights in such vile, revolting little performances.
Isn't that right? The Sage of the Kingdom—
No. Executor of Deception, Morcerf.
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